A second life

Get rid of foreign language classes. Recycle every copy of introductory Spanish, Japanese, and Russian. Grant those tired textbooks a second life as something more useful, like origami or moving boxes.

We marvel at the infant’s ability to acquire her native language. The truth is, it’s not her brain that holds the advantage, but her environment. With this in mind, our institute will train speakers to native proficiency with the following method:

  • We relocate each student, regardless of age, to a town in the country of their target language.
  • We place each student in the home of a loving host family that does not speak the student’s language.
  • The student takes nothing with them: no possessions, no clothing, no paleo-friendly snacks.
  • The student is now the child of the host family. Not metaphorically. They will rely on their family for every need, including eating, bathing, and extemporaneously philosophizing. The student is prohibited from taking any action on his or her own without requesting it in their target language.
  • The host family will seek to meet every apparent request that the student makes, as well as teach the student to speak and read as quickly as possible.
  • The host family will talk to the student constantly, often using a simplified form of the target language.
  • Students will receive immediate feedback and correction when they make mistakes, and astonished, tearful praise when they construct their first basic words, sentences, and statements.

Our institute guarantees that the student’s language proficiency will surpass that of a native-born baby at 12, 24, and 36 months**.

** Guarantee does not apply to student’s pronunciation abilities. As it turns out, our sensory and neuromuscular systems are most malleable in youth. Simply, babies’ ears and tongues are more impressive than their brains.