Ghosts are people too

So, you’re dead.

Congrats on shedding this mortal coil! Consumer Reports consistently ranks Mortal as “among the worst” in the coil category.

Obviously, you’re a busy wraith (as in life, so in death am I right?) and I figured I’d save you a bit of time by answering any outstanding questions you might have so you can get to haunting and poltergeisting as soon as possible.

How did people react to news of my death?

Hm.

Well let me take a step back before answering that.

It occurs to me that there are two factors that determine whether people express joy and glee at your passing.

  1. You make decisions that affect the lives of people you don’t know
  2. You are in a line of work where the only way to replace you is when you die

All this is to say, look, you were part of a high-risk cohort. That takes a certain type of courage, I guess!

But yeah, people were pretty jazzed this time.

It happens. And honestly I’ve seen way worse! So.

But if you don’t mind a piece of advice, just because I’ve been around a while so I’d feel like a jerk if I didn’t say anything: if you get a second go-round (and there’s a 18.4% chance you will!), you might try a calling that better suits your particular talent for flowery putdowns, historical reinterpretation, and morally-compromised bombast, like standup comedian or professional wrestler.

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